Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Thursday Portrait.....

(What Goes Thru That Boy's Mind?)

The T-Mobile chick!
Really Really young.
Cute dress!
Pale skin.
Nice shoes, she accessorizes well!
Does she paint her nails?
A bit bow legged...(Who cares eh?)
Bare toes...!!
Knobby Knees
I read somewhere that she's 5'5".
She's too innocent for a thong...
Stop it Geester.!!
Get your mind out of the..the....Bare Toes?
8:00 PM Thursday EST...!!!!!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Haiku Wednesday.....

Dazed...In a Green Fog.
What makes the Heart grow fonder?
He can't remember....

Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your blog, and go visit Jenn at..
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!!
This weeks theme is....."Absence".
(Shhhhh...Haikus can be Punny)

Monday, November 28, 2011

TMI Tuesday.....

A Mrs. Robin McCrevice, from Dankishquim Scotland asks...

"Dear Mr. Knowitall, after last weeks disgusting post
about Felching, and two of your followers coming
up with the equally disgusting word Santorum, do you
actually think you can top yourself in the category..
Words That Should NEVER Be Spoken Aloud or Thought Of!! "

Dear Robin....Of course I can!!

Now this isn't One Word per se, but it's a phrase itself
that is so disgustingly VILE, that you will probably
never visit this Blog again.
Are you ready? And don't say I didn't warn you....

"Alabama Hot Pocket"

Mr. Knowitall grows queasy from all this odd fetish talk.
I'm going to go read my new Nine-West catalogue...hehehehe

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Road Trip.....

I've worked very hard this month.
Everyone seemed to have a place to travel to
over the Holidays but me. The Wolverines ended
A fantastic 8-0 Home Schedule which is now over.
The Christmas Season is upon us.
I need a little "Pre-Christmas" R&R.
There is only one solution...ROAD TRIP!!!!!
I'll be all Pre-Posted, so business as usual.
Have a Kick-Ass Week People!!!

Saturday, November 26, 2011

The Thrill of Victory.....


After 7 frustrating, painful, and abnormal seasons..
All is symetrical again in the Heart of America.
Michigan Wolverines 40 The Buckeyes 34

Monkey Man, I'll catch you next week.
I'm WAYYYYY to giddy with excitement to think about
posting anything.....Go Blue!!!

Thursday, November 24, 2011

Friday Flash 55.....

I loved helping my Grandma at Thanksgiving.
Sure, I got the boring jobs...
Breaking up bread for the stuffing.
Grinding cranberries for the relish.
Rolling out the crusts for the Pumpkin and Mince-Meat Pie.
Peeling potatoes, cleaning out squash, observing
and learning all I could.
Alvena Margaret...Here's hoping I've done you proud!!

If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!!
So from the most Stuffed Host from coast to coast...
Have a Kick Ass Week-End...Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Thursday Portrait.....

What a beautiful Late November Day!
I had to work, so I had a friend
of mine deliver a note to my buddy Barry.
I haven't heard back from him yet....
Happy Thanksgiving Everybody!!!
See ya 8:00 PM Thursday EST.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Haiku Wednesday.....

Thanksgiving Quandry.
Pecan/Pumpkin Dilemmas...
A piece of EACH please!!!

Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes?
Then write one on your blog, and visit Jenn at
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks "Theme" is Ponder.
Happy Thanksgiving to all The Yanks!!

Monday, November 21, 2011

TMI Tuesday....

A Mr. Richard Smoker from Bendover Connecticut asks..

"Dear Mr. Knowitall, I'm doing a term paper on Freedom
of Speech, and I'm wondering, do you know of any words that
CANNOT be spoken in public"?

Dear Richard...Of course I do!!
In fact, I'm giving you a word so vile and disgusting, that
you will actually resent me for even making you
aware of this word! It should never be uttered aloud. It should
never be thought of. That word is...Felch!
In fact, it's so disgusting that I can't bring myself to
even give you the definition...Google it!

(WARNING: If you puke...Don't Blame Me!)
Mr. Knowitall grows weary and queasy just thinking of Felching.
If this ain't TMI, I don't know what is....Good Evening.

P.S. If you already know the meaning of Felching. Shame on You!

Sunday, November 20, 2011


'Come on, try a line, it'll keep you alert.'
I snorted two long, wide, powdery lines...
Every idea was Earth-Saving.
Every word uttered was profound.
In Reality every thought was a Madman's Raving.
My inhibitions unbound.
I could see clearly... (Or so I assumed)
In a matter of weeks I was amongst the Lost Ones,
The Damned, The Liars...The Consumed!
I lost;
My Home
My Friends
My Family
My Dreams
My Raison D'Etre
My Self-Esteem
I stole, I begged, I left no bridge Unburned.
I have nothing left.
That original Moment of Enlightenment,
was destined to never return!!
As I put the barrel to my temple, The depths of
my addiction suddenly became apparant.
I had pawned all of My Bullets!

Hey, if Vegas and Broadway can have Dark Monday,
So can The G-Man!!
Happy Holidays Everybody....:-)


Saturday, November 19, 2011

Sunday 160...

Do you have any Tylenol?
Do you have any Advil?
Do you have any plain ole Bayer Aspirin?
Well, what DO you have for a headache?
We have Duck Penis, and Chicken Lips.
Uh..How much for the Duck Penis?
Real Duck Penis, or generic?
Arrrgh...Never mind!

Is it Sunday? Can you write Micro-Fiction using
EXACTLY 160 characters? Yes? Then post one on
your blog, and go tell The Monkey Man...HERE!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Friday Flash 55.....

Rick Perry: "And if I'm elected President, I plan on getting
rid of The Dept's. of Commerce, Education, and, and,...
Treasury? No wait...Homeland Security?"

Herman Cain: "Hey Bitch, come here, let me see that Snatch!"

Mitt Romney: "Ya know...I AM one handsome bastard"!

Michelle Bachmann: "Oh Fuck! I chipped a nail"!

Newt Gingrich: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Obama's looking pretty good isn't he?
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man!
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment, Then...BOOK!
So from the most Democratic Host from Coast to Coast.
Have a Kick Ass Week-End

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Thursday Portrait....

OK...I can't make this shit up!
While checking my 'Fortune' today, I was
seeing what my Lucky Numbers might be.
Since the Chinese read from Right to Left, I added
6..48..17..46..That totals...117
Now subtract 36 and 26, that leaves a total of...55!!!
That number seems to follow me everywhere I go.
INCLUDING the post that follows this one Tomorrow
evening at 8:00 PM EST...Hehehehehe

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Haiku Wednesday....

Think hard, is this true....?
The takers, get the Honey.
Givers sing the Blues!

Is it Wednesday? Do You Haiku? Yes?
Post one on your Blog, then visit Jenn at...
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
This weeks Haiku Theme is...Meditate.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Retro Chicks....

Timeless Images of Stunning Beauty.
I have no point per se.
I just love women of the 40's with long hair.
See ya Tomorrow...(sigh)

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Comfort Food Sunday....

Dreary, blustery Days are meant for laying low and...
Apple Crisp..Baked Spare Ribs...Parmesian Mashed Potatoes!
Oh yeah, it was Goooooooooood!
Have a Kick Ass Week....G

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Coffee Talk Sunday 160...

I entered a contest with a local paper.
They offered a fabulous prize for the Best Pun!
To enhance my chances, I submitted Ten entries.
I didn't win...No Pun In Ten Did!!!

Is it Sunday? Can you write Micro-Fiction using only
160 characters EXACTLY? Yes? Then post one on your blog
and go visit The Monkey Man....Here!
Do you know what 2/3rds of a pun is? P..U..

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Friday Flash Fif-Tea Five.....

As the Limosine sped briskly down Boston's
narrow streets, the back seat was steeping
with activity...
"Mr. Bigelow! (SLAP) You may NOT taste my
little Red Rose, and please stop staring at
my Tetleys! Also put your Pekoe away, I'm
not putting my Liptons that"!
She said heatedly, then thought.....
("This guy has Salada nerve"!!!!)

Groan on until you're Black and Green in the face....
All this Tea Party talk is sooo inspirational.
If you or anyone you know has written a Friday Flash 55
Please come tell The G-Man
I will visit, read, enjoy, comment...Then BOOK!!!
So from the most Herbal Host from coast to coast
Have a Kick Ass Oolong Week-End!!!

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Thursday Portrait.....

In the Midnight Hour, he cried Fifty Five!
With a Rebel Yell, he cried FIFTY-FIVE!!!!
Thats right...Billy Idol turns 55 this month.
How do I look? Do I have "The Sneer" down pretty good?
At least I don't have Herpes like Billy...hehehehe
See ya Thursday 8:00 PM EST.
Say, thats a nice day for a........White Wedding!

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Haiku Wednesday.....

You don't give a shit?
Tired of those "Fleeting" moments?
An Apple a day......

Is it Wednesday? Do you Haiku? Yes?
Then post one on your blog, and go visit Jenn at...
Sensational Haiku Wednesday!
Every week she has a 'Theme'.
This weeks theme is Fleeting.
Maybe she meant that in a different way?

Monday, November 7, 2011

TMI Tuesday.....

A Mr. "Jugs" Mahoney from Lake Winnebago Wisconsin asks...
'Dear Mr. Knowitall, I'd like to get my girl-friend something
sexy from Victoria's Secret, and I don't know a thing about
bra sizes. Could you help me out?'

Dear Jugs...Of course I can!
Now pay close attention...
A-cup...Almost Boobies
B-cup...Barely Boobies
C-cup...Can't complain
DD-cup..Double Dang!!
G-cup...Get a reduction
H-cup...HELP! I've fallen and I can't get up!!!

That should help you out a bit Jugs. Also you probably
should know that Bras have religious affiliations....
For Example:
The Catholic Bra...Supports the Masses
The Salvation Army Bra...Lifts the Fallen
The Presbyterian Bra...Keeps them Staunch and Upright
The Baptist Bra...Makes Mountains out of Mole Hills

Jugs....All this Tit Talk is making Mr. Knowitall Weary.

Good Ta Ta!!!